| Friday, October 19th, 2007 |
| 10:40 pm |
ramblings
the simple, sweet tender caress someone trying to impress if only for a fleeting moment impatiant twisted need momentarily shattering satisfaction if only for stolen hours thoughtless selfish hurt left weeping with regret if only for fleeting, stolen time |
| Friday, April 21st, 2006 |
| 12:06 am |
The Other Mom
So I went to dinner tonight with a friend and had a very good time. My mom watch Dominic for me for a couple hours. When I get back there was a message on my computer from a frined that knows the father of my child and knows the mother of Dominics half brother appernlty she wants me to add her to her msn. This scares me bacause she is a very angry person. I do not see that adding her to my msn can lead to anything but bad things. I feel that i should add her though cause I want Dominic to know his half brother, but I am scared that somethign could happen that may hurt my relationship with Dominics father. I think I need to make it very clear to her that I do not want to do an damage to her relationship with the father of our children nor do I want to discuss her relatonship or mine with her. ugg I dont know what to do I fear that this can be nothing but bad |
| Saturday, April 8th, 2006 |
| 11:19 am |
omg so tired
WARNING DO NOT EAT HALF A BAG OF COTTON CANDY AND THEN DRINK A LARGE DOUBLE DOUBLE FROM TIMMIES AND THINK THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO SLEEP BEFORE 5 AM yes that is what I did last night and now I am paying for it it was fun at the time but now i have the sleep deprived body aches and have to take care of my baby oh the smart things that we do |
| 5:08 am |
ages and a life time
been ages since i wrote here but I thought since i was wasting time and staying up anyways that I might actually write something I have discovered true happiness I am so happy with my son. I do not think that I have been this content with things ever. My whole world has changed and for the better. I have this adorable creature in my life and all I want to do is take care of him. |
| Sunday, August 21st, 2005 |
| 4:05 am |
Corn Maze
It truly is funny the things that you find to do for fun living in the middle of a big city. Tonight my friend called me and asked me what i was doing tonight after mid night. I had nothing planned so she said that her and some people were going to go to a corn maze. Now the corn maze is not open for busy this late at night so we would be trespassing on private corn farm. I decide to go cause she had asked me once before and I did not go that time and I wanted to see what this was all about. I had visions of this tiny little maze one that not even a 5 year old could get lost in. Oh boy was I wrong. This ting was a huge field of corn with beaten paths. Mel and I decided to get lost in it. the other 3 members of our adventures did not seem as keen as we were to get lost and have fun. mel and i stuck together cause i had her smokes so she ws not going far without me. thank god we did stick together cause the other members of the group decided to leave like 30 mins in to the fun just as me and mel were getting really lost and have a great time. we ended up standing on this rickety bridge talking for 30 mins before trying to find our way out and and going in circles to the smae little patch of corn 4 times and just when we thought we were not going to find the way out we made it out. The moon was bright and there was a hint of fog creating this great mood to the whole thing. I highly recommend it to anyone given the chance to get out there and give it a try. |
| Sunday, August 7th, 2005 |
| 11:46 pm |
Weird Dreams
The weird dreams that wake me up at night need to stop! ok there not weird so much as exrotic dreams about a guy friend that i could never do those kinds of things with. the worst part is this has happened now like 4 nights in a row and i cnat get back to sleep right away afterwards why does my brain think that it is ok to torture me with very good dreams about a friend which i could never even kiss for the fear of losing a great friendsship? stupid brain! On a happier note I have vaction time coming up I am looking forward to going away and having a fun time in kelowna with some friends YAY holidays! |
| Friday, May 27th, 2005 |
| 10:41 pm |
friends
Lately it has come to my attention that I have some really great friends not that most of those really great ones read this but if you do I just want you to know that I love you for being there and that I hope i am there for you when ever you need me |
| Monday, May 2nd, 2005 |
| 11:25 pm |
why me!
Why do I do it? why do I talk to people and try and get them to care about me when then honestly do not? WHy do i put myself through that? No one wants to hear my sob story. No one wants to know that I am crying as I am writting this. No one cares that my life sucks and that I had it rough. ANd the self pitting shit needs to end casuse there is always someone out there thats had it worse but right now i just need to know that someone else cares. I nee someone else to take responsiblity for whats going on instead of llooking at me to solve there issues. I want someoen to take care of me for a change to tell me its all going to be alright and that fariytales do come true and the you really can win the lotto and solve all your problems. Is that really so much to ask for? Yes i know it is but could someone just do that for me just once. |
| Thursday, April 28th, 2005 |
| 10:32 pm |
Not only me
Apparently I am not the only one feeling lost and confused and totally depressed. It seems most people I know have a case of the spring time depression that falls over us when we realize that someone we care about does not feel the same way we do. What gets me through this period in time is that I remember that I am loved by a close few and that I am in my own way a special unique person that has a great deal to offere the world. I remind myself everyday that my over thinking, drastically emotional personality is part of what makes me who I am. Who I am is what makes those care about me care about me. When people care about you usually you care back and if you care back you will not go changing yourself because one bad relationship hurt you. Every day the changing of the weather, differnt patternes of the planets and moods of those around you can changes how you feel. Surround yourself with happy people and they might just help you forget why you were sad. Surround yourself with deprssed angry people and you might just find a way to vent your angry and get over. So tonight I will probaby cry and vent my depressed state to my pillow and surround myself with happier thoughts to stem the tears before my eyes are swollen in the morning. I will think of ways to help those around me to be less depressed yet to show there emotions and vent them and get over them. Be happy cause the song said so! |
| Saturday, April 23rd, 2005 |
| 9:04 am |
The tossing and turning continues
So I still continue to toss and turn but I think that is due to the fact that I am still stressed about things to come, like the Doctors appointment I have on Monday. On a happier note I went out friday night and had a great time laughing and giggleing with my sister and a couple of her friends and Matt. It was the most enjoyable night I have had in a long time. Now its off to work for the last time this week. YAY for two days off! |
| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 |
| 11:23 pm |
Another day
Well another day goes by and I am wondering when I grew up and started taking everything so seriously. Where did the inner child go that liked to get hyper and giggle and run around and do silly things. I left her behind somewhere in my rush to be accepted by the adults. Part of me knows I have to grow up now. Life changing desisions have been made and the only way I will get through them is to be an adult but I already miss the fun times of not caring and getting a little wild. (but then I wonder is I ever really was wild) I think I might have always been this very serious person I just didnt know it. It is now catching up with me and I have no where to run from it. I have trapped my self in this box with no exit and sealed my fate to one I swore I could handle. But sometimes late at night when no one else can see or hear me I break down and wish to god that I could be the child that was beling looked after. That it was not just me against the world. I wish there was someone else there to taken on the burdens with me. Someone I could share them with who understood what I needed and when I needed to be held or just listened too. Sadly the one person that offers to do that for me right now does not hold my intrest, the one person I wish that could do that for me has moved on and the one that does that with out even knowing that he does has someone he is very much in love with and I would not ruin that for the world. I know I am the only person that can make me happy but sometimes I need a little push and support in the right direction. When I think about the future year to come I am excited yet terrified. Terrified that I have messed things up and that I have made that little box even smaller then it already was. Ecited for the new wonders that I will bring in to this world if everything goes ok. The thoughts that disturb my sleep at night are now written here maybe tonight I will not wake up and toss and turn. |
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